Counselling for Men

Therapy for men who need a place to talk and better understand how they’re struggling. In person in Burnaby and Kitsilano, and online across British Columbia.

Most of the men I see are functioning rather than in crisis: holding down demanding work, showing up for their families, handling what needs handling.

Quite a few arrive because somebody else suggested it. A partner, a friend, or occasionally a doctor. That is a perfectly reasonable way to start, and it does not mean you have been sent here to be fixed.

I work with men across the concerns that bring anyone to counselling, including anxiety and depression, trauma, relationship difficulties, grief, and periods where the shape of your life has changed and nothing quite fits yet.

What men tend to arrive with

Men do not always arrive describing themselves as anxious, low, lonely, or struggling. More often, they talk about what has started happening around the edges: in their temper, their relationships, their work, and the sense they have of themselves in their own life.

Some of the things that men tell me about are:

  • anger that arrives faster and larger than the situation deserves

  • a sense of being at a distance from your own life, going through it rather than in it

  • a partner who says you are not present, and no clear idea how to argue with that

  • pressure at work that has stopped being motivating and started being constant

  • no one you would actually tell if things were bad

  • the suspicion that talking about any of this is self-indulgent

What therapy with me is like

I am aware that a lot of men expect therapy to be fifty minutes of being asked how things make them feel. That is not how I work.

My sessions are structured and active. I will guide the conversation, ask direct questions, and give you something concrete to work with. If a thought does not hold up, I will say so. Most people find that easier than being agreed with.

Underneath the specific techniques, I work from one question: what is this actually doing for you? Not whether a reaction is rational, and not whether it is admirable, but what job it is doing. Most of the patterns men come in wanting to get rid of turn out to have been protecting something, and that is usually the more interesting conversation.

On anger

Anger is the emotion men are most often given permission to have, which makes it the one that ends up carrying everything else.

That matters practically. If frustration, humiliation, fear and grief all come out through the same channel, then anger is rarely information about the thing that just happened. It is usually the second feeling rather than the first, and the useful question is what it is standing in front of rather than how to suppress it.

This is not an argument that you should stop being angry. Some things are worth being angry about. It is an argument that anger you do not understand will keep choosing its own targets, and they are usually the wrong ones.

Where and when I work

I see clients in person at:

  • my Burnaby office in Metrotower II, 4720 Kingsway

  • my Pine office in Kitsilano, Vancouver at 1682 W 7th Ave

  • online with anywhere in British Columbia

In order to make therapy as accessible as possible to fit into the busy schedules of my clients, I offer sessions during the day (including lunch time), in the evenings, and on workdays and weekends.

Frequently asked questions (FAQs) about counselling for men

  • That’s normal and it is not a problem. Working out what is actually going on is part of the job, not a prerequisite for starting. I ask questions for a living.

  • Then you will have spent an hour talking to someone who is genuinely interested in how you work. Therapy is not restricted to people in crisis, and waiting for things to get bad enough to qualify is a common and expensive mistake.

  • Yes. Plenty of people start that way. What matters is what you decide to do with the sessions once you are in them.

  • Only where it is useful. I am interested in where a pattern came from because that usually explains why it is still running, but the work stays anchored to what is happening in your life now.